It’s eating my brain!One more

It’s eating my brain!

One more paper to go. Why, why, why did I decide to write some sort of feminist thing? Was baited into it. I didn’t even open my mouth about gender in this class until about the 10th class out of 12. And then the other day several people were saying to me, “Oh… wait… you have a baby? I just assumed you were… um… a lesbian…? Because you’re always talking about that in class”. Mega-irritating:

1) I talked about feminism and gender issues in 2 classes. (1 talk out of my 7 for the class)
2) Because I criticize some novel as Not Very Feminist, and gender essentializing of male and female, I must be a lesbian?
3) Because I have a kid, I must not be a lesbian?

The mind boggles. Hello world? Am I in San Francisco here?

Also noted that whenever any other girl in the class said something about gender, she would do all the excessive qualifying statements like “It seems to me like maybe it could be, but correct me if you think I’m wrong, that blah blah blah”. While smiling, giggling, or placating. Now, I noticed myself giggling and qualifying as well, but I did manage to squelch it.

I am overwhelmed with near certainty that the prof, who seems basically nice, is going to condescend all over my paper because my feminism isn’t grounded in enough logic, or something. That’s just so backlash. I can’t help expecting it! We’ll see. I refuse to apologize for not being good enough to take apart the master’s house with the master’s Power Tool.

The one guy who brought up gender issues was fabulous, radical and incoherent as me, but no one jumped up his ass about logical grounding.

Fact also remains that prof’s only advice for me was that I should “consider the humor” of the book I’m dissing; that I should read his papers. Was kind of hoping for a “you might look at X feminist theorist for help”, but noooo.

Meanwhile have been further making my blood boil by reading “sexism in gaming” thread on The Forge and the lame-ass comments to Beth “Gamerchick”‘s articles on Gamegrene. Rant mode engaging! Down, girl! Down, girl!

Grrrr. Grrrrrumpy.

Dr. Lizardo out.

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