the arty non profit

a) i wrote several grants last year and got them
b) i can write more complicated grants and have done so
c) I acually wrote the SVA grant last year for myself and my own reading series but then didn’t turn it in because it depended on Witter’s bookstore and Witter was being so difficult I could not deal with him.
d) I said I woudl write this grant MULTIPLE TIMES and asked for: where are the files? I need a key to the office so i can get in there and access the files, if the conttrol freak wenches who have them would put them in there.

Now we get to today, when, Director of the arty non profit who i am now loathing with every fiber of my being, let’s back up a second but, on Sunday he announced that on monday’s meeting he is bringing some professional grant writer in to write this grant. WTF? she misses the meeting by some heinous miscommunication having arrived 2 hours early. everyone blames everyone else. Yesterday at like 3pm he announces his “emergency meeting” with her coincidentally right near my house. So I went. I ask director guy Why? Why pay someone thousands of dollars to write a grant that several of us are capable of writing? he glibs along suddenly realizing i’m pissed off.

She is a slick puppy. “Oh, my friend, M@y@ Ang3lou, and by some fucking magic I am also personal friends with Gw3nd0lyn Br00ks and 0praah and every other possible famous black woman, and I’m a prize winning p0et and I have thrown fundraisers that got 250,000 etc. etc. and as I was saying the other day to the guy who will be reading this grant application, while he was licking my boots, blah de blah.” Plus, gorgeous drop dead and a rack like an airport bus shuttle and all dressed up like crazy LA people, slickly beautiful. I’m all thinking, “consultant girl, you dont’ have a real job or any health benefits, and you are desperate for this 3000 bucks.” instead of feeling truly hostile about it, I am only miffed at being dissed by Non profit guy and then USED ie co-opted into his evil secret plan. Because, clearly, under her slick talk she DOES need the money quite desperately. I ask hard questions about what happens if we get less money and will there be a contract and we must review the grant etc. etc. Non profit guy ineffectual. But really, I am happy if i dont’ have to write this grant. But why did all the information needed magically materialize, when i have not been able to get it? why is it not BOGUS to have someone write one grant to pay herself to write us the second grant? why did director guy start nattering on about his fancy wine and cheese party AGAIN? he just wants to feel like he is part of a cultural elite, he doesn’t care about the actual p0etry, the p0ets or the events.

also i am barely keeping my sanity at his lame attempts to be all multicultural when i know he hates the whole idea and is full of resentment and bitter racist evil.

I will write one grant. I will organize one giant event for these people in June so that I can go out with a bang. Then I will quit. Good riddance! I would happily flounce out right now after yelling at them for around two hours about their iritating evil incompetence. And they would deserve it. And then they would talk bad about me for months and months and everyone in the extended p0etry community would hear about it and I would have a bad rep as a person to work with and I don’t want that. Therefore, I will organize something the way I envision things could be for them, and it will not cost 5000 bucks, and it will use the fabulous physical space that they have w which is the ONLY thing going for them other than their 20 year history and being able to go on about “Oh that time we had cz3slaw miilosz la la la.” goddamn it. Anyway, I will do something good, so that I don’t feel like my whole thing with them has beena failure, and then I will quit.

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