Book 4 (“sodom and gomorrah”) is still either at Doss’s or in the mail. I skipped and started book 5, “The Captive“. Actually it is not helping my state of mind at ALL as it’s about deceptive freaky lying neurotic melancholy subtle jealous people who can’t relax or stop thinking, not ever. And obviously I missed all the lesbian stuff in book 4, because they keep referring back to some sort of incident in a cabaret where Albertine and Andrée were doing something unspeakable. In general, reading Proust is like reading my own diary, but way, way better and more complicated and more huge and coherent and just MUCH MORE THAT WAY in every way. Like I need encouragement to dissect and overanalyze everything!? Nooooo. If I feel more sane by the end of the week I might quickly catch up to the reading group and go to their thing on Sunday.

Perhaps a return to Seneca would be helpful. Marcel and Albertine and Andrée, I banish you to the shelf near the bed for a while.

I am sicker today. I woke up many times in the night and had to sit up for a while each time. Ear still sucky but not unbearable. No bronchitis.

Rest is crucial. I will lie in bed alternately working on name definitions and napping all day. Rook will mostly watch Moomin, who is too sick with a cough to go to school.


I had a long dream where I was competently skateboarding through the San Francisco streets, and people were buying me dinner in fancy hotels and restaurants because they wanted me to describe their… something… some kind of products… a new strain of lawn grass and some jewelry that was actually genetically engineered or nanotech of some kind, like art that was grown. And it was like I was a powerful person because of being a “bard” and very eloquent and they were buying my amazing poetic powers.

One Response to “neurotic”

  1. Jo

    Hope you are feeling better m’dear

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