possibly that was a useless ordeal…

I got the ham-handed bulgarian doctor, the luck of the draw of last-minute appointments. At least it wasn’t the horrid incompetent rheumy-eyed guy who thinks that knowing one’s exact temperature is very important. The Bulgarian decided right away that I was too uncertain about rebound tenderness and that I must have appendicitis. “But, um, wouldn’t it hurt more… and it started yesterday… so by now…? and wouldn’t I have a fever?” But no. She didn’t even do a pelvic exam. She is a dork. “Is appendix. Radiology will look at your ovary but is no point. Is appendix.”

I was okay walking over to the hospital but once I got there the Thing hurt horribly and I wanted to lie down. god. During the walking I was on the edge of deciding i was just fine and should go home. But then, pain…. Some extremely nice nurse laid me on a gurney and put warm blankets on me. I shoud have tipped him 20 bucks because it was amazingly much nicer. That hospital rocks!!!

Radiology couldn’t find my appendix. Then they decided to look at my kidneys. “Um. The pain feels exactly like when i’ve had ovarian cysts or ectopic pregnancy… what about if you look at my ovaries…” No. More rib and kidney and bladder poking. I’m now covered in blue jelly over my entire abdomen and have to pee so bad I’m about to scream.

Finally the tech looked at my ovaries. The Mr. Microphone up my no-no place was okay on left side. Then she measured my uterus for 20 minutes. Is anyone going to care? christ. Then… drum roll… she poked the thingie to the right. AAAAAAAAAA! after she peeled me off the ceiling… “I guess you DO hurt. Did you tell your doctor yet?” “Yes I did and if she had DONE A PELVIC EXAM she might have seen that.” “Well you should go to your gynecologist.” “Okay.” “Now, tell me exactly where it hurts the most becausee that’s the area I have to focus on…” “Are you sure? AAAAAAAAAA!”

Dude that sucked.

(I remember how much that hurt when I had PID and was in the hospital. They’d poke in there and I’d just… if you’ve ever felt it… i was just leaping off the table like a dying fish flopping around, or some sort of scene in the movies where they electrocute the torture victim. But back then it was WAY worse then than now. But still this time it took me maybe half an hour to get over it and stop hyperventilating and crying.)

The radiologist was firm, but waffly. “It could be early ectopic. It could be that cyst thing on your ovary but on the other hand it looked pretty normal. But it burst recently. The fluid from it could be causing you pain. But with your history… Why didn’t your dr. get a blood test?” He rolled his eyes. “I’m sure you’ve been through all this before so you know how it goes. You’re going to be right back in here this week. Talk with your doctor, I’m calling her now. Hang in there. At this stage there’s no way to differentiate cysts from ectopic without a blood test! If you’re pregnant right now, it’s ectopic.” I didn’t tell the nice, smart Radiologist than my breasts are hurting too because he probably would have ripped my tubes out right then and there. I feel dumb for not telling him but…

He sent me back to the Bulgarian. Apparently the radiologist called her to tell her, “Blood test, you idiot” because I was sent back for a blood test for early pregnancy. They are supposedly going to call me tomorrow. But they never do. So I’ll call and bug them starting around 10am. The Bulgarian also acted very contrite about forgetting the blood test and told me to call the gynecologist across the hall tomorrrow morning and beg for an immediate appointment. i have my 1st appt. with them in a few weeks but maybe they’ll work me in.

Probably all for the “perfectly normal cyst” but… well… crap… I’m worried.

The one good thing – none of that would have happened so quickly (in like, 3.5 hours) if the Bulgarian hadn’t been shrieking about my appendix. Ovaries and even ectopics are lower on the totem pole. Because they are crazy woman-things, I guess.

I tried not to think about the other time. It was just like this, except they treated me like i was nuts the first couple of dr. visits, “Why do you think you might have an ectopic, ma’am?” and then when it started actually rupturing it was this big emergency. It was still just as hard to decide to go to the hospital, because as I get to be in more pain I get more and more irrational and guilty-feeling, and there was no clear dividing line where it was “too much pain to bear”.

Anyway I think I handled it okay this time. I tried to be very stoic actually and joke around with nurses etc. unless actually white-knuckled with pain.

Here I am in bed at home – quite heavenly.

Without the dizziness things are much better. I can get up and get myself things – I just hurt more if I walk too much. So I’m mostly staying down.

It is very frustrating to hear Moomin and Rook but not be able to participate. I feel left out and just.. frustrated. I just got on Rook’s ass about how he was doing something and he got mad back at me for interfering. Usually I would be doing the afternoon playing and the dinner-feeding and all that and I have my ways of doing it! He’s doing it all wrong! You’d think I would have learned by now that’s the wrong way to think. the Pilot and I were just talking about this a few days ago. But did I take my own advice? Nooooo. Now Rook is pissed off at me right when I’m all needy and irritating. Way to go, self, you are a dumbass! I tried apologizing, but instead just said more about why I think he’s doing it all wrong. Double-dumb. And he said that when he sees me doing dumb parenting he just keeps quiet about it. I’ll stay in bed and keep my mouth shut and be glad Moomin is in the best possible hands. Also, hopefully all the things Rook does differently will balance out all the things I do wrong. Not that I would ever do anything wrong. I’m really really really not at my best when sick. I also think Moomin is worrying about me and acting up a little. I can’t even take him coming in the bed with me as he wiggles around or bounces and then it hurts… and he’s all wistful. I hate being non-functional. hate hate hate.

I’d be so much more optimistic if my breasts weren’t hurting and tender. They very very rarely are for PMS — maybe 2 or 3 times my whole life — and they have been all 3 times I’ve been pregnant, pretty much right away.

I’d love to be wrong…

2 Responses to “possibly that was a useless ordeal…”

  1. Prentiss Riddle

    Dang! Now I feel so very very guilty over a joke I made a few comments back.
    I was reading something somewhere about how it actually is good for kids to grow up with parents who practice somewhat different childrearing styles instead of putting up a rigid united front. I sure hope that’s true, since that’s what my girls are getting.

  2. minnie

    my boobs are always very tender during pms.

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