wonderful words

Suzette H4den Elg1n cheered me up this morning with her List of cool obscure English words that should be brought back into use. I’ve been drumbling and moffling in bedranglement for a few days now… girning and gowling at the malison of the ugsome elections…

Yesterday I was grumpy at everyone. I felt incredibly on edge, toadlike, tiny, and insecure. I cried a zillion times pointlessly, didn’t know what to do with myself, forced myself to work a little, emailed back and forth a lot. I read a good chunk of that book on gender, sexuality, and evolution. I freaked out over my simultaneous ambition and lack of ambition and not knowing what I’m doing or whether I’m doing enough. I worried that I’m just sort of superfluous and always doing what other people want until I don’t know what I want anymore. Things like that. And my knees hurt, my entire body ached, I fretted secretly that I’m about to be annoyingly crippled all winter, and that it will be my fault for not exercising enough. In short — I was a total pill.

At some point in the evening I realized I was building up going to this one reading to a Big Thing and a Symptom of all that I should be doing or something, and that was completely unnecessary, and I wasn’t in the mood to go to it anyway. I was all sort of pre-ready to be mad at Rook for making me be late to it, and then… somehow I didn’t mind anymore. I pictured being there and realized I would just be a lump, didn’t want to schmooze witth other writers, as I had enough of it last week at the conference — oh, so much more than enough! — and that I didn’t really want to hear the inevitable election poems eveyone wrote this week. “This is really… RAW… I just wrote it… *ahem* Deep dark sadness! Red, oh red! I hate you, red, with every screaming platelet of the blood spilled by land-mined children! ” Okay…. actually, the election poetry would probably be much more boring than that. “Somewhere, a child’s EYES / darkly / stare RED / into the Fallujah NIGHT / lit by BOMBS / while I drink my COFFEE / here in this peaceful caFE / with flowers on the TAble / reminding me that my grandmother was an immigrant / and was in World War II / which makes me so ethnic! / and I protested against Vietnam and your generation sucks and it’s all your fault / Somewhere, a child’s eyes / vote NO / in an election / of the imagination / and my coffee /votes NO / against bigotry and war / everywhere / and flowers / will bloom again.” That would be more like what I would have heard last night. hahahha. barf me. I could write mocking parodies of bad poetry all day.


So I went with Rook and Moomin and Gargyrrl to Nolly’s house where everyone had gathered to be escapist. We watched some scenes from Star Wars and then sort-of-watched the movie “Go0nies”. Moomin was scared by it but liked it a lot. Nolly fed us chicken cacciatore. We didn’t watch the movie all the way through…. I left early with Moomin. In my truck on the way home, Moomin talked about the movie and said something like, “I am seeing a different movie that is a pretend movie on a pretend tv, and in my pretend movie the boys are in the jail and the policeman comes or the bad guys come to lock him up and get him and then I come witih my hook and a helicopter and I hook him out of there and rescue him and we GET the bad guys and the pirates.” I thought it was funny that his imagination is a pretend movie and a pretend TV.

This morning I felt much more cheery and resolved to pay attention to Moomin, organize books, set a date for a sort of political meeting and invite everyone by email, grocery shop, and finish at least one application or giant manuscript submission this weekend. I will also take a load of stuff to the dump so that our driveway will not have boxes and bags of crap and hulking pieces of rotting old furniture in it.

Next week I must have one or two library research days. There is no paper due! There is no immediate deadline! McCoot is out of town! I’m free of external pressure for a little bit! A paycheck is waiting for me!

2 Responses to “wonderful words”

  1. Prentiss Riddle

    A play within a play!

  2. Iris

    You could make a million dollars writing pop song lyrics.

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