what happens when i fall on my ass

one of those wood and canvas director chairs just broke under me – it was half falling apart … and i landed on my ass on the wood part of it, my low back near my tailbone… intense sciatic pain and the pins and needles and numbness (how it can be painful AND numb, wtf…) `but i’m more than freaked out, was just utterly terrified because it feels just like it used to when i was so crippled. 4 advil, ice, and lying on my side… laptop sideways in bed next to me… it helped me calm down to start typing.

I used to have to use my hands to move my leg around and i am doing that and let me tell you, it freaks me out deeply. i absolutely refuse. i’m not going back there. I keep telling myself it is like bumping your funnybone really hard. it wll just feel better tomorrow. it hurts if i move my low back or leg and my whole leg feels all strange and weak. (like it used to all the time)

anyway sorry everybody for wigging out so hard. I think it will be okay and i’m mostly just really really scared. it helped to calm down, because it hurts like fuck to blow my nose so stopping crying was a good thing. i don’t think anything is like, broken. it makes sense that i fell and it’s bruised or swollen and stuff, so the nerve is compressed temporarily. right? so it will feel better soon? I wonder if they inject steroids in your low back, ever, like knees or other joints, to help inflmattion or swelling? Or, could it be muscle spasms? I am going to lie here and try to do the stretches very gently… in a little bit… if I stay perfectly still, then it hurts less. (DON”T sit on my bed. It jiggles it.)

fuck fuck fuck fuck. I can deal with it being annoying for a week or something but it must cooperate by getting better rapidly. if i feel normal but twingy in the morning I will proceed as usual with my day. if my leg is all… weird and like, weak or sortof half-dead….. then i’m so hosed…

the bathroom seems far away, people. do you have any idea how upsetting…

where are the nano-repair robots in my blood?

meanwhile i’m just fucking pouty that I’m missing rook’s buffy game. poss. i could sit up just as well? if I stayed still???

Moomin saw me cry. horrible. actually that is what made me stop crying so he would not freak. he patted me and was so sweet. Rook put him to bed and nicely reminded me i am so healthy now that i will just bounce right back. this is comforting and i think it is true.

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3 Responses to “what happens when i fall on my ass”

  1. Jo

    And why have you not seen a doctor?!

  2. badgerbag

    you’re funny, jo! think how many times I’ve been to doctors with a tingly, weak foot and a hurt back. they shrug and tell you to exercise more, which is true, but quite difficult. I would have to be utterly crazy to have gone to the ER at 10 at night on a friday with a bruised tailbone and incoherent babbling about my past crippledness. there is not a lot to be done for this sort of thing … i didn’t slip a disc or break anything…

  3. minnie

    oh no! boot those people off the couch next time.

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