wholesome nerdy fun & endless babble

I’m at Webzine and I just realized why all these strange guys are grinning oddly at me and acting like they know me. At first I thought they might be confusing me with L, but then … that seemed v. unlikely. Then I was like… oh, maybe they’re all from barcamp and I just can’t differentiate them from the mass of nerdy hipsters I met there? Then after Kay came up to me giggling, I realized it was because of the flickr naked photos with Nakedjen. Heh!!!

***** LATER, at home*****

They let me in free and I made a fun nametag with pictures cut out of magazines. Laminated! woot! Very zine-ish to make your badge and have them laminate it, very jolly… I have to say it was pleasantly retro. How strange is that? DIY should never feel retro! Reality should just BE like that!

Leeann came to shush me as Kay explained how the flickr or the yahoo people had to make an Incident Report to the Yahoo HR people because of me and nakedjen taking our naked photos. Leeann was nice about it and said she had just been talking herself and was a big hypocrite but could we shut up for Lulu of bittergreens comic webzine fame? Please? I tried to shut up, since I DO EVERYTHING LEEANN TELLS ME TO. Yup! Later Lulu said she reads my blog! I was very suprised. I don’t think that has ever happened before that someone I don’t know walked up, recognized me, and … had not just seen my picture somewhere indecent.. .but who possibly knows more about my life than I even remember revealing. I don’t mind at all, and kind of like it. When I think of all the great people I have met from this blog, and ones I have never met in person… but that I’ll always be friends with – like Iris in England! What would I do without her, and how sad if we had never known each other.

Later, this is so heinous, but me and er, this other person, were talking during the incredibly fascinating great presentation from the guy from Make magazine… I’m all his starry-eyed fan now too btw…. and we realized that Matt, dorkmatt, or photomatt, or whatever, i’ll link to him in a second, was taking a million photos of us. Brightly I chirped something like, “gosh it makes me feel like we should be making out or something like madonna and britney spears…” and Leeann said no, she should be licking my face. So there is some crazy photo of her licking me on Flickr right now, I’m sure. and we both started screaming with laughter and I fell over backwards. DURING THE GUY’S TALK. We realized we had just been extremely awful and rude. OMG. Then I paid attention and … WOW.. here are my inadequate notes:

wipeout – cheap game device w/ browser in it – holy fuck! find this!
hand crank / solar etc. power supply for ipod, etc
make blog…

It was all about things you can do with an ipod or a cheapass digital disposable camera. There was one sequence in particular where he was telling how he loves the Olympus something or other model, an old model, because you can take it completely apart. “And so I hooked it up to a timer. So it takes a photo every possible second it can until the batteries run out. And so then i could do all these other things… And so I put it on my kite. (slideshow click) and then i got a coathanger. (click) And then i got a gps thingie. And then I plotted it on a map…(click) and you know, it’s just me going to the store, but for each picture you can see exactly where i was on the map and it’s…. well…. And then I figured well with this disposable 17 dollar camera I could just put it…(click) on my dog… And then I took some toenail clippers and an Altoids box and this 50 cent chip from radio shack and I made this Thing. And now I will take over the world.” Oh, man. It was so great!

A few minutes later I was crazed with glee that the new guy on stage was giving the IP number and password to ssh into his robot. I have never been to something where someone gets up on a stage and goes, “and log in as root and the password is “robot”…” I will just confess right now that I love having the keys to all the locks, and to log into anywhere as root always gives me a smug little shivery thrill. So yeah, duh I ssh into it, pronto! and… how cool is this…. an instant crowd of hot chicks came huddling up to me to stare at my computer screen and at me ssh-ing as if my having a term window up were the pinnacle of studliness. Hot chicks, I am sorry if you feel objectified. I am one of you, and yet again, I am not quite one of you because that wrong-locker-room R.Crumb feeling was strong in me as y’all looked at me starry eyed and for a brief moment I felt like the nerdy kid from War Games typing this stuff and getting my black and (retro) glowing green term window as follows:

root@(none) ~/src # ./drive
initing teleo
creating mc2 left
creating mc2 right
got c K
current 200
got c R
turning right motor on
got c L
turning left motor on
got c k
speed 10
got c k
speed 20
got c k
speed 30
got c
j – reduce speed by 10
k – increase speed by 10
J – reduce current by 100
K – increase current by 100
l – turn off left motor
L – turn on left motor
r – turn off right motor
R – turn on right motor

But alas! The robot was not moving! WTF! Afterwards I went up to the dude and was all like, “Dude! I totally ssh-ed into your robot right then! And I was giving it commands and it was answering on the screen but it didn’t move in real life! WTF!” And he was all like, “OMFG a hot chick is talking to me about my fucking ROBOT! And she talked to it, all unix-like! What is happening! Help me, Lord!” And I was all like, “So, fix it! I must drive your robot around!” And then he was all like, “Here’s my cool kid, she’s 10 and writes computer games!” And I talked about my nerdy child and suddenly he was all…. “aaaaaaaaaa! BADGER!!!!!!!” “Aaaaaaagh! Mikhail!” It was one of those moments when your dark past comes back to haunt you and bite you in the ass, except in this case it’s not very dark and you don’t mind getting bitten. So we knew each other 10 years ago when he and his partner were trying to conceive. You know, like… do I have to spell it out… I totally saw them conceiving! That was surreal. He looked way different with all his hair cut off, and with clothes on. I recall when I played with him in public at some faerie thing everyone fell over in shock because they thought i was the queerest lesbianista ever on the planet because they only saw me flounce around with Dotty. (Since Dotty and my’s flouncing often, often involved guys, I can’t imagine….)

Um!!! Anyway.

Meanwhile wherever I was sitting, MORE HOT CHICKS were coming up to me and poking me and giggling and saying things like, “How come your ass isn’t hanging out? Huh? Damn, I loved that!” What, did collective nerddom all see that one 10 seconds when I took off my clothes at the “Flickr Fiesta” in the Yahoo cafeteria? I bitched to L. and Chula that no one will know about my giant brain, and will think I’m a bimbo… and R. promised that he would blog a photo of my giant, sexy brain on his blog, whatever it is.

At dinner I was sitting next to niall from technorati and he was like…. “Yup, I remember you from BlogHer. (why are you following me to dinner, strange internet chick!)” He probably thought I was totally stalking him! But it was an accident! I was just along to hang out with my girlfriend. Well, anyway, we all had a nice time and I liked talking with Niall about the current state of (web)spamhunting. And I told him some insane story about how my relatives taught me to shoplift when I was a kid and I was kind of a little sociopath. (It made sense in context of the conversation.) We agreed that broccoli should never be in lasagna. Also i had fun with … I’m sure I should know who she is as everyone expects everyone to know already… but I don’t… E. who talked with me about translation & was very interesting and we decided suddenly that we were part of the Peter Kaminski Fan Club. That was funny! He will be surprised to know it, maybe. His own fan club!

Chula was getting teased by L. for coming to webzine and working on her novel in the back row, wearing headphones. But it seemed totally natural to me. If you can’t geek out in a crowd of geeks, then where? Earlier at Borderlands, people were huddling in corners reading the Bob the Angry Flower preview chapbook right while the Famous Readers were reading. No one minded! It’s the nerdly way.

Earlier in the day… this is such a long post, but the Badgerbag knows no length limits… Earlier in the day I spent all morning at the cafe with Moomin, playing Apples to Apples Jr. with him and Iz, while Squid watched, listened, ate breakfast, and tended Leelo & baby Mali. We went over to Squid’s house & I made a very quick, kinda lame “animal rescue hunt” for Iz and Moomin, with 5 stages of written clues in their huge backyard. It’s so beautiful there, with the mountain there, Edgewood Park overhead, and deer coming by, and her big garden of rosemary and california tufty grasses… hummingbirds & bees… I always think of it as the bee-loud glade, even if it’s not a glade. It’s for sure bee-loud. Sandia and her daughter and 6 year old son came over to play & babysit all the kids. I went with Squid to her pedicure/manicure appointment down the street on Canyon… that little shopping center is becoming extremely pleasant, with the homey taco place, the cafe, the ice cream store, emerald market, etc.! Nice.

Watching someone else get a pedicure! OMG. I became very aware of the sweatiness of my own feet. they were gritty and linty in the socks and sneakers. The manicurist was shoveling bits of dead cuticle off of Squid’s feet as if she were going to sculpt a whole extra set of feet out of the gunk, for spares. Grody! Then afterwards squid was all gorgeously be-sandaled with smooth, shiny pink nails. And I was sweaty and gross and… horribly… (curse you, IUD!!!) have been on the rag for almost 2 weeks solid. Tube-tying is looking good, folks. No, I just DON’T care what I say on the net, do I? *emotional moment* If it helps just one person feel more comfortable with themselves and their menstrual blood… then it’s all worth it *sob*…. HA!!!! NOT. No, seriously, I am now dying to get a pedicure and have someone rub my feet and calves with exfoliating lotion. MMMMMMMM.

Earlier at the Tachyon party at Borderlands Books – I had a great time talking to Debbie and Alan & then some nerdy boys, who could not stop with the insane Serenity trivia (and I am dying to see it too, but do not know nitpicky gossip about its creator nor do i even know the actors’ names or anything…and of course they have all either seen it already, or have passes to see the preview on tuesday night, damn them!) then a long conversation with Jill from tachyon. I now love her forever because she spent like 10 minutes praising my girlfriend and saying how she is a Personality and is magnetic and a force for good and positivity and cheerful fun-having in the world, and Honesty and Fun. And being Funny. and more Fun. and Optimism. and being Wacky unabashedly. And how whenever she is in the room, everyone can’t stop just naturally gravitating towards her and thinking about her. Of course, I completely agree. And next to getting flattered myself, there is nothing better than hearing someone do some high-level praise of the people I love! Especially when they are wearing what Jill was wearing. One did not need to upskirt her to have a good time. Her outfit was stunningly gorgeous! A short 60s style dress with black boots… & thick rimmed nerd-girl glasses. Aaaaagh! Best of all and hottest of all, the fun conversation we had about multiple identities, feminism, online presence, books, publishing, and our mutual general feeling of being Really Interested In Everything Good; the difficulty of being either “generalists” or dilettantes or amazing renaissance women, or something of all of that. “Oooh, shiny!” And then haring off after that new interesting thing. The she was like, “It doesn’t matter! just be your identity! do it all online, who cares, no closets! not to worry about being a media whore! Represent! Be that thing! We’re the good people and we have to speak up and not be in little boxes! you are the zeitgeist!” and I was like, WTF, you have no idea, I just gave that VERY SPEECH to like 6 different people lately, are we twins?

And Jennifer also from tachyon was kind of like, So what is this blogging thing anyway? And why would you do that? How can we use it? What is it? I could not explain it, since a new reading was starting, but all the way home when i was driving I was trying to answer her telepathically. (I could answer the part about what Tachyon could do with blogging, but instead, the other bit: why do I do it?)

Why do I do it? I love to keep journals and write letters. I like documenting the minutiae of my life, my feelings about pedicures, the lint between my toes, my good moments and also any moments of doubt, fear, and despair. I mean, why not? So what? I’m so insignificant. Who cares really! Everyone’s doing it! Or — because of loving attention, and… sure. *shrug* But that is not why. It’s really because of being hyperverbal. If I’m not talking or writing, or mentally composing something I’m going to write, or if I’m not listening or reading, I’m not necessarily thinking and I might possibly not exist. When I start writing or talking, I think better. Do other people think in words and sentences? Just all the time? Do you? So I get a little high off it, off that moment when time, when my brain, switches the switch between non-verbal/preverbal, and words. I love words! I am reminded suddenly of that time I took some mescaline (oh, so long ago – 20 years? ) after reading “The Doors of Perception” & painted the walls, doors, and ceiling of my ex-boyfriend’s room at Taos Co-op with crappy abstract designs (er, sorry… I have no excuse… i was only 16…) and felt ultra-conscious of that edge. The moment between doing nothing, and Deciding, and the paint coming off the brush like a fabulous miracle. So, words always feel that way to me, even when it’s total drivel coming off the pen.

Actual revision & structuring is even better, but of course way more difficult. As a writer i’m still undisciplined & lazy – unless I’m translating or writing my own poetry. With poetry & translations I revise 20 times, I rewrite over & over, usually handwriting but then it moves into being typed & I do lots of printouts, edits, reading-aloud, and revisions.

I did no relief work today. I think that was burn-out, last night. I can’t stop doing it, but I had to stop today. My feelings were way too intense. I’m sorry to be such a wuss…. I’m going around talking about Grace’s blog a lot and handing out the URL, and that in itself, I hope, helped today. All the intense stimulation was so great today and was JUST what I needed – including playing with kids!

After Webzine & dinner, I drove back to Deadwood City, up to RJ’s house, said hi to Minnie, RJ, Vim, Zombiegrrrl, Lex; made out with Rook; & picked up Moomin to bring him home and put him to bed. Brushed his teeth, gave him his allergy medicine & inhaler, read him some books… He spent the afternoon at RJ’s Firefly marathon, bouncing on the trampoline with Iz — Rook took her for the afternoon. I think they had fun!

And so to blog.

2 Responses to “wholesome nerdy fun & endless babble”

  1. Jo

    Gadzooks, do we have you back?

  2. badgerbag

    I think so, but possibly on and off in an annoying schizoid way. I have a strong feeling that thousands of people NOT in the disaster areas are going to be going there and they will experience very similar things with stress, frustration, red tape, catch-22, communication difficulties, “orders” changing every hour. Though with added joys: bugs and more sweating. So, a whole lot of people are dealing with that. It will cause people to think and I hope they will not descend into despairing cynicism.
    Last night – nightmares of wading through water-filled labyrinths and then people all around me demanding that I find their families. All of us soaking wet, miserable, itchy, but in my dream somehow it was all up to me to fix it, and I was failing… I woke up over and over with the horrible visions of disaster & chaos happening right here. I’m fine in the daytime but the nightmares continue, you know?

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