Brief update of beautiful pride weekend

My leg hurts. what else is new?!

I had a fantastic beautiful time at the dyke march & it was overwhelming – the rumbly motorcycles revving for an hour beforehand! the everyone!

I love pride weekend and it’s weirdly important to me…

Leeann and i took a cab from her house. It was comforting to have someone to go with and she had a plan to go hang out with some friends of hers. i could not deal with going up their steps so waited below for them all to come out; we ran into gina and aranyamei and a gajillion other people! sarah pushed me up the hill into the grass. windy but splendid to look out over the crowds. then as we all went down the hill gina stuck to me and we got separated from everyone else somehow… just stood with mouth open looking at dykes on bikes and their absolute splendor. it is really one of the best sights of my life somehow. all their great jackets and sparkly bikes and fierceness. powerful women! sisterhood! the march itself is chaotic, informal, swarm-ish, thronged. I got very lost in it. In retrospect, I wish I had laid down in the grass for a while before the march so that I could have been less exhausted & hurty & scattered.

Once we met up again we marched mostly with the queer sex workers. they had excellent chants. hey! hos! 2 4 6 8 i get paid to gyrate! we’re here, we’re queer, we’re whores! 2 4 6 8 how do you know your stripper’s straight?

Being flirty and sleazy with s. and g. was so hot!

dinner w/ Leeann and gina and Leeanne’s nice friend who lent me his beret. heavenly noodles, so exhausted & freezing I fell asleep a little bit against the wall as we waited in the hallway to get a table at the citrus club. I liked the friend, but was mildly annoyed he tagged along all through the march because it was like, I was not there to pay attention to guys no matter how nice they are, because it is the DYKE MARCH.

We had funny conversations… about all sorts of things. I was saying that i am not anyone’s girlfriend until I have a toothbrush at their house. No. A vibrator at their house. Leanne looked at me in her particular way and went, “You know! That’s TRUE!” In my world I believe it might be!

I thought a bunch about relationships and what they mean to me, about emotional intimacy and expectations and vulnerability…

And also how I said to someone else lately, I forget who, that what I like out of life is to have solid amiable relationships and lots of lovers and I am a junkie of the new and like people who also are; and I don’t like to be bored. I like people who are a little bit wild and a little bit stable and bourgeois. I like the sense of “well, we can do anything we can think of.” I like collaborating and wild plans and creating things. i like being mostly endogamous, but not entirely. i like being known and appreciated and having a lot of other people to know and appreciate; social roles maybe; feeling included. I like to be romantic with friends as well as with lovers. Also, I like assuming trust with people first off, though this can be a painful way to be.

We also talked about something that I was calling reverse compersion like how hard it is to break up with one person or have a relationship on the rocks and sustain another newer relationship that has not had time to develop (with fascinating examples from our far distant pasts). This was so interesting to think about. Like what room a person can be capable of, what emotions, the difficulty of rewriting emotional maps.

Moomin stayed with JB and had an amazing time watching godzilla movies and playing video games. it was awesome to come back to their house and collapse into my computer, lying on my side. Also jb is very good at putting my leg in traction. i wish i had asked him to do it again this morning. Also, his bed is huge and comfy with an extremely warm puffy quilt, so Moomin and I fit in it and I slept incredibly well, waking up just a bit sore and stiff in my back and shoulders from all the wheeling for the march. (Actually the pain kept waking me up from maybe 6am to 8am until finally i got up and took massive amounts of tylenol and celebrex.) We lounged around having cappucino, went out for brunch, were very silly doing things like inventing 5-pronged swivel-mounted hummingbirds with bigger fuel tanks. It was especially nice to see Moomin bonding so nicely with jb because Moomin doesn’t warm up very easily to people (adults or children).

It was nice also be poised to be already up in the city and not have to get ready and drive for an hour just to be there. as a tradeoff i had an enormous staircase to deal with, but that wasn’t too bad, and there was a handrail.

Then – part of my goal for today was to relax and not do any work of any kind. The other main thing was that I wanted to hang with Moomin and do something super nice and special. So we went to the game store and the comic book store on Divisadero and spent almost 3 hours just hanging around. Plus I bought us stuff. He looked at every single heroclix and heroscape package and read all the boxes and information about them but did not really need to buy it. And what he really liked was for me to listen and pay close attention while he talked about each character and what he thought of them, and what he knew of other related characters and stories. So I did that for a long time and as usual his stories were great.

We almost bought the green lantern heroclix set because it had tomar-re and arisia and that first dude who gave the ring to hal jordan AND the FLYING SQUIRREL GREEN LANTERN!!! ZOMG!

Instead we bought the Marvel board game, which looks nifty, sort of storytelling/rpg-like, with character cards for playing a team of superheroes plus a villain. The player whose turn it is plays their superhero team and the villain is the person to their left. The incredibly cute guy in Gamescape explained to us how it starts off with minor crimes which all tie together until there is a horrible catastrophe! It sounded good! I got the new Roborally for myself (20% off) and the triangular version of Blockus. At Comix Experience, Moomin freaked out with happiness at the row of spectrum books. We decided on the compliation of Aquaman & the 2nd volume of Green Lantern. Also some small Avengers & other books. They did not have the big hardback planet hulk book 8-( We spent a long time just looking at things in the store. Then I got him a green lantern t-shirt that actually fit him! Slightly big! And I fit in it too (a bit small) He recited Green Lantern’s oath for us!

I was trying to be nice by not dragging him to Pride parade plus I did not feel capable of doing another giant march in a crowd or even with putting up with a crowd. We would have had to depend on cabs. Anyway i wanted to be Good Mom today. at least in some dimension.

So, off to golden gate park for the giant ultimate team cardboard box fortress battle, which meant i only had to wheel like 3 blocks and then could lie on the grass in the shade, drinking soda while other people exerted themselves. I refilled the kids’ water guns about 20 million times and sent them out on super sneaky commando squirting raids as the grownups threw each other to the ground & floundered around dramatically on the cardboard box forts. The speeches at the beginning – robots vs. wizards – were silly – tackling and pinning very hot – box mayhem impressive.

I keep being really flirty with people when I like them; it feels normal, I don’t mean anything bad by it to anyone; my motives are entirely nice; it’s hot; it makes me feel good and happy; good chemistry is not to be taken for granted and does not always last so you should run with it when it’s there. While it was pointed out to me that my hitting on everyone might be offensive or perturbing to some people I replied only half-flippantly that the more the merrier and perhaps the principles of chaos and dilution would reassure everyone that I am mostly harmless. Also I just don’t really understand that mindset and I get impatient. Yes I try to respect people’s boundaries and stuff. But yeah I am also an alien and I don’t get it.

This weekend was just what i needed – a ton of friends, feeling surrounded by niceness, being a not-so-bad parent and spending time with Moomin, and yet getting to feel free and freewheeling and like my own person. I have been so emotionally unsettled. I did not run around trying to get laid or anything as I have to say, I typically would have. For one I am too exhausted and had too much going on and could not, say, run around clubbing or whatever post-dyke-march. For two I am too emotional and waffly so I needed the solidity of friends around me. (Even if I”m making out with them all the time… I hope you can see the difference.)

At the same time I was super happy that Rook is off in Seattle having his own fun and freewheeling time. I don’t mean to be down on myself by saying that I wanted him to have a break from me. I needed a break from my own intensity. How much more so for him — all my ups and downs and stress and mobility problems have been a huge stress on him. So I thought of him a lot this weekend and hoped he was having a fantastic time. I hesitated to call him – we don’t really have long phone conversations, and a short one would just be like “hi, having fun?” “Yup. Okay i’m going back to my game now.” Then also I was like, “Hmmm, just in case he is having some kind of fun date with anyone in Seattle, I will show some delicacy and not interrupt it.”

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4 Responses to “Brief update of beautiful pride weekend”

  1. g.

    you can hang out and talk with me and/or make out with any day of the week, love. i’m really happy that you are in my life, both as a partner in mischief and as a partner in friendship. i’m so glad you sent me that flirty email um, what was it, three summers ago? because not only did i get flirtation, i got a really excellent and sweet friend.
    so, yeah, all of that is a roundabout way of saying that i value you and i’m here.

  2. patty (awesmom on librarything)

    What kind of board game did you get? My son really likes Heroscape and that game you bought sounds like fun, too.

  3. LAS

    I’m sorry we missed you at the dyke march!

  4. badgerbag

    In retrospect, a classic of misdirection.

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